What to Bring to Shiva: Do’s and Don’ts

What is an appropriate gift to bring to shiva?

When attending shiva, bringing a thoughtful gift that aligns with Jewish mourning traditions is a meaningful way to show support. Common choices include kosher food items, pre-prepared meals, or a charitable donation made in the deceased's name. These gestures provide comfort to the grieving family while respecting cultural and religious practices. To better understand the customs of sitting Shiva, gaining insight into its significance can guide your choices.

Food is particularly appreciated, as it eases the burden of meal preparation during this difficult time. Alternatively, a donation to a charity meaningful to the deceased or their family is a respectful and heartfelt gesture.

Should I bring food to shiva?

Bringing food to a shiva is a thoughtful and practical way to support the grieving family. It is essential to consider kosher dietary laws, which are often observed during this time. Pre-prepared meals, baked goods, or fruit platters are excellent choices, as they are easy to serve and share with visitors. Understanding kosher food traditions can help ensure your offering is appropriate.

Make sure the food is clearly labeled as kosher or prepared by a kosher-certified provider. Avoid dishes that require extensive preparation or cleanup, as the focus should remain on the mourning process rather than hosting responsibilities.

Are flowers appropriate to bring to shiva?

Flowers are not customary in Jewish mourning traditions and are typically not brought to a shiva. This practice reflects the emphasis on simplicity and humility during the mourning period. Instead of flowers, consider alternatives such as kosher food, a condolence card, or a charitable donation in the deceased's memory. (Learning about funeral etiquette across religions can provide further understanding of respectful practices.)

If you are uncertain about what to bring, consulting with someone close to the family is always a considerate approach.

Can I bring a condolence card to shiva?

Bringing or sending a condolence card to a shiva is an appropriate and meaningful gesture. A condolence card allows you to express your sympathy and support for the grieving family. Keep your message simple and sincere, focusing on offering comfort and acknowledging the loss. For inspiration, explore thoughtful sympathy gift ideas that can accompany your card.

Examples of suitable messages include: "I am so sorry for your loss," "May their memory be a blessing," or "Thinking of you during this difficult time." Avoid overly elaborate or lengthy messages, as the focus should remain on the family's mourning process.

Is it appropriate to bring money or donations to shiva?

While it is not customary to bring money directly to a shiva, making a charitable donation in the deceased's memory is a widely accepted and appreciated practice. This gesture honors the memory of the deceased while supporting a cause meaningful to them or their family. Understanding the traditions of shiva can provide deeper context for why donations are a thoughtful choice.

When making a donation, it is considerate to inform the family, either through a condolence card or a note accompanying the donation. This lets them know their loved one is being remembered in a meaningful way.

What should I avoid bringing to shiva?

Certain items should be avoided when attending shiva, as they may not align with Jewish mourning customs or the family's preferences. These include:

• Non-kosher food

• : Ensure that any food brought adheres to kosher dietary laws if the mourners follow kosher practices..

• Alcohol: It is not customary to bring alcohol to shiva, as it may not align with the solemn nature of the occasion.

• Overly elaborate gifts: The focus of a shiva is on mourning and supporting the family, so avoid extravagant or inappropriate items.

• Flowers: As noted earlier, flowers are not a traditional part of Jewish mourning practices.

When in doubt, consult someone close to the family or follow Jewish customs to ensure your gesture is respectful and appropriate.